Steve Ward is known as Mr. Match Maker extraordinaire. Host of VH1’s popular dating show Tough Love, Steve has used his smart wits and good looks to pair thousands of happy couples together. In his 4th season of the highly successful series, Steve takes 8 dating disasters to New Orleans to whip them into shape in his O’ so friendly dating bootcamp.
I’ve known Steve for about four years now, I met him after I booked him on a dating panel for a national morning show I used to work on. Tough Love’s first season hadn't hit the air waves yet, but I decided to give this fresh face dating expert a shot and pushed for his appearance on our morning show.
Straightforward and blatantly honest, Steve quickly won the approval of our executive producers and landed himself a weekly segment on the show.
But Steve didn't always steal the spotlight, back in high school he says he was short, chubby, annoying and not very well liked. It wasn't until he hit his growth spurt in college that he turned into the tall and charming man he is today. Though he boasts he dated a lot in college, he did experience heart break. Steve went through a harrowing car accident with his college sweetheart and although they tried to make it work, in the end he said they were both still really young and it just wasn't right.
Steve only mentioned one other girl to have stolen his heart since college, but says it eventually ended from what he said was bad timing. This Tough Love bachelor isn't ready to get serious with anyone just yet, "Even to this day I don't think it's the right time in my life to settle down. I have absolutely way too much going on in my life," Steve said.
Steve strolled into the Soho Dos Caminos restaurant dressed casually in a leather like jacket and jeans. After a quick catch-up and some guacamole mixed with crab I digged in with my dating questions I compiled from my readers.
"I have a MAJOR theme of guys just NEVER calling me again after a few great weeks/months dating – no talk of relationships and I usually take it slow. Help"
STEVE: Well it’s the taking it slow part, they just get bored and don’t want to stick around. They’re not willing to wait for whatever you’re withholding and just grow tired of it and will move on to someone who is willing to put out quicker, emotionally, sexually, monetarily – you need to puts yourself out there.
"What's the best way to approach your guy (who has had financial difficulties in the past) about moving in together? How can I make sure he won't make the same irresponsible mistakes again?"
STEVE: He most likely will make the same mistakes again and if that’s a situation you’re going to go into knowingly then never has the expression been more true, ‘you made your own bed, now lie in it', so it’s a risk. It's probably why he can’t get credit or secure a loan or get a place on his own because he’s not a worthwhile credit risk, if you’re going to give him credit where no one else is you should expect him to default.
"If a girl says 'I love you' first... what goes through a guy’s head? Is it bad for a girl to say it first?"
STEVE: No it just depends on how she says it and if she says it in the wrong kind of needy way and makes the guy think she’s expecting something in return- then that is going to make the guy uncomfortable. If you say it without expecting something in return then you mean it. Saying I love you is just saying it, if you say it because you want them to hear it and you want to hear it back that’s not what love is. Saying I love you is saying it, meaning it and not expecting the other person to reciprocate it.
"One of things that bugs me, is my husband will never make out with me anymore!!! When we first started dating we would make out for hours, stop on street corners, in bars, ANYWHERE!!! I love the sex and the companionship, but sometimes I just want to feel like we are dating again, and make out like we just met! How do I get my husband to make out with me?!!!!! "
STEVE: Do something neither of you have you ever done before. If you’re both interested in scuba diving or were both interested in visiting someplace you’ve never been before, go an do it together. Find something that you both would enjoy doing together and make it new, make it fresh and then when you do that you'll reinvent the relationship, you’ll reinvent the chemistry.
"What is the best way to keep a guys interest after a dating a while?"
STEVE: Be cool. Just back off and be cool. Truly demonstrate that you understand them and know them and give them the space, the time or whatever they need because the fact is there are too many women that are carrying out their relationships with this expectation that it will end up somewhere- and guys don’t do that, we just don’t. If it ends up going there, great, but we don’t go into relationships thinking OK once we do this, then we’ll do this and then this will happen... Even the guys who are anal retentive and organized to a fault and plan everything out to a T don't. They may have an idea in their mind of where the relationship might be going, but it’s not like they have to get there in a certain time. It’s not like they have these tickets like the train is leaving the station- unless you as a woman make him feel that way and sometimes that’s enough to make them run and catch that train, but other times they’ll miss it and catch the next train that comes along. Just depends on how much of a hurry they are to get to where you’re going – and if their not in a hurry to go where you’re going, then they’ll let that ship sail and let that train go by because they have no reason to speed up to catch it.
"Do long distance relationships work?"
STEVE: They are challenging over the long run. They can last in a short term basis. If you have to repeatedly experience gaps apart when you come accustomed to spending time together, its invariably going to make you feel emotionaly distant because you’re so used to that proximity and intimacy. So in order to make it work you have to find a way to make it intimate and close emotionally even though you’re not spatially as close as you would like to be.
"How do you find guys that are older to date i.e. as a mature 28 year old, should I be dating some 35?"
STEVE: Yeah 35 would be a great age for someone who is 28 because typically those guys are dating women that are 5 years younger anyway. The most important thing is that you’re in a similar life stage. If you know you’re ready for certain things that he may not be ready for then you’re doing yourself a disservice. I would suggest you end up really making it a point to spend time with the right people who are at the right point of life that you’re at.
"Why does dating involve game playing? Why can't dating be straight forward?"
STEVE: Because of emotions, people have emotions and we use rationalization as well as many other techniques to defend ourselves and our emotions. So we do whatever it takes to get some sense of control in our lives.
Now stay tuned for Part 2 of my interview tackling topics like cheating and snooping!
Courtesy: VH1
No comments:
Post a Comment