Books that Explain Dating...

I read an interview with the author of "Attached" by psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine. In the interview he talks about his new book and how it explains the science behind finding and keeping your significant other... basically saying that there is a whole science to how we behave in romantic relationships which no one has known before.

He starts off with stating that we are all dependent on our significant other- note this is not a question on whether you are or are not, he says its a biological fact- and the only way you'll find the right person to 'depend' on is to determine your "attachment style" which he breaks down into 3 categories.

1- Avoidance; you want to be in a relationship but once you start getting too close to your partner you feel like you are losing your independence and quickly want to shut down and close yourself off. ( Been there- done that..What's that saying again..."Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all").

2- Anxious; You want to be close and intimate but you worry about being loved back ( Yup- Another check in my box..You have all seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You right?)

3- Secure; The warm and loving types who are usually very easy going and comfortable with intimacy ( I would consider myself to be easy going, does that count?)

Levine basically says if you're the "Secure" type you can date anyone and that these people are like 'having a relationship coach built into your relationship'. Calling all Dr.Phils out there- You have now become the next ABC Bachelor contestant!

One piece of dating advice I have to quote here is Levine's recommendation to ' wear your heart on your sleeve when you go on a date. It's not a place of weakness; it comes from a place of strength'... Maybe the good doctor didn't catch the with Bachelorette contestant Casey when he literally tattooed a heart on his sleeve and sang his true feelings to Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky..

He goes on with other enlightening encouragement saying that these epitomes, the "secure ones", know  'instinctively that they need to take care of their partner's needs to avoid a huge fight and be happy'.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but instead of playing the submissive role, wouldn't you think compromise and compatibility would play some part in the equation for a happy relationship?



You can check out more information on Dr.Levine and his book from the good doctor's website: http://www.attachedthebook.com/about-the-book/