Thursday, April 19, 2012

Is There Really A Science to Relationships?

Sure everyone likes a little relationship advice here and there. Whether its in the form of sitting around with your girlfriends drinking a big bottle of wine or watching a marathon of 'Tough Love' no ones relationship is perfect and suggestions are usually welcomed. 


In a new book, "The Science of Relationships", a group of 15 university researchers and experts came together to help us all decipher 40 of the most common romantic dilemmas. 


One topic they tackle is whether or not we are drawn to someone like our mother/father... ( you know what all the shrinks call 'daddy issues' or 'mamas boy'). Co-author Benjamin Le says that studies show that the type of attachment a parent makes to their child can be a factor in the outcome of their romantic preferences. 


For example, if the parent was not consistently there for their child, the child may grow up with the expectations that their partner can't be relied on... 


Which brings me to the idea of how we all measure relationship success? Are you more successful if you have a longer marriage or if you were happier longer in that marriage but are no longer married?


Le goes answers this in part by talking about personality pairings.. saying its common for one person to be the avoidant type while the other is more of the worried/anxious and jealous type- does this sound familiar in any of your past or current relationships? Though before you worry yourself any further, Le actually says those types of couples are pretty stable and common and can last as long as the 'secure and healthy ones! ( see you can relax now)... 


Another hopeful question they address is whether or not fighting is a good or bad thing.. ( they must believe in make-up sex, right?)... Le says, "Couples who are thinking about the future, they step back and think about discussing this in ways that will make us both happy." 


Contributing editor, Jennifer Harman adds that the end of an argument can possibly do a lot of damage to your relationship. You know when you leave the room slamming the door behind you and threatening to leave or just  leaving without saying a word aka Irish exiting. Harman says, "Any time you start using negativity it takes a lot of other positive acts to reverse it." (aka make-up sex?)


But what happens when you reach the marriage point of your relationship, are we all doomed to lose some kind of sizzle and spark that we started with? Harman says sadly we do, contributing life's happenings in terms of jobs, kids and life demands to suck the life/satisfaction out of your marriage. Of course they offer some solace, saying  new activities can boost your relationship satisfaction..physical and intellectual activities that is- so no,  relaxing on a couch watching football and/or the Food Network all day doesn't count...





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