Exclusive Interview/Part 2: VH1's Tough Love host Steve Ward on Trust, Cheating and Snooping

In part 2 of my sit down interview with dating guru, Steve Ward of VH1’s Tough Love, I wanted to tackle the topic of trust and all that it encompasses, i.e. Snooping, cheating and facebook stalking.

Steve confesses that he has been accused of being “cleverly honest”. Honesty and trust go hand-in-hand but Steve says there is a difference between a white lie and a red lie. A white lie being something harmless like telling an overweight woman she looks good in a tight dress versus a red lie that could be more hurtful like telling someone that you see a future with them when you don’t. I think we can all agree on those terms, but the fact is a lie is a lie and once you catch your man in any kind of lie can you still fully trust them or will you be plagued with doubt and suspicion? 

Newsweek recently reported that a man lies on average 6 times a day. “They say a lie of omission is the biggest lie of all.  So sometimes leaving out some details can be considered to be pretty dishonest too,” Steve said.

Cheating... Why do they really do it? Is it a Slip-up or just human nature?

STEVE: It’s not a matter of slipping up, it’s a matter that people in general want to feel wanted and needed. They have this desire to continue to accomplish- to accomplish sexually, to accomplish emotionally and to feel like your achieving something as much as possible even if it’s not really a significant milestone sort to speak.

At the end of the day, you never want to feel like you’re in some kind of routine. You never want to feel like your relationship is stale or stagnant. Sometimes people don’t feel the need to move on, they just feel the need to get a little variety, get a little more flavor and get a little spice- if not just to try it and experience it and then realize how much they prefer what they already have.

I do think a lot of people want to have their cake and eat it too, but I also think there are a lot of people who are just lazy about it and won’t put in the extra work and communication it takes to really make yourself happy.

Snooping… Checking his phone, ok sometimes or never do it?

STEVE: Depends on the state of your relationship. If you’re in a committed relationship, have at it. If you’re just seeing each other, you have no right, simple as that. If he’s telling you I’m not seeing anybody, I’m not doing anything behind your back, I’m committed. I trust you and you should trust me.

Trust means a lot of things, trust means I should let you be able to use my phone, go through it and not have anything to worry about, just as you should feel comfortable with me using your phone, and not having anything to worry about, it’s that give to get.  Here’s my phone, feel free to do what whatever you’d like with it – if you’re at that stage then it’s fine, prior to being in that- you have no right.

What if you do find something ‘flirty’ on his phone...Should you try to forget about it or approach him about it?

STEVE: Depends on how much it bothers you, I mean do you get away with doing flirty things yourself. Do you feel the need to let him know every time someone flirts with you or when you casually flirt with someone else? But I’ll be honest with you he probably imagines it going somewhere. He probably pleasures himself with the idea of it going somewhere, does he expect it to go anywhere, probably not but does he hope it would go somewhere, yeah probably so.  But at the end of the day who knows. 

Facebook stalking… Any positives to this?

STEVE: I just don’t think there is anything to gain. There is something to be said about ignorance is bliss. If you know what you’re going to see is going to upset you, then why even bother subjecting yourself to it. I think it’s a lose-lose situation. If you suspect something is going on and their doing something behind your back I think it’s ok to let the other person know that you got this feeling and describe how you think you got that feeling. If they get defensive anyway or distance themselves from you then they probably were doing something and are probably not looking for what you’re looking for or maybe they were kidding themselves and trying to convince themselves that they were when they really weren’t. 

Or they’re just a piece of shit and don’t care about lying behind your back and they think you’re on to them and will try to throw you off the scent ... there are a lot of people that go around doing things that they think aren’t wrong or not really consequential until they become consequential.

There are a lot of people that cheat and do some messed up things but now that we live in the world we live in and everything is traceable, people are getting caught a lot easier than ever. It could be happening more but our instincts are what they are. It’s just that they have more opportunities to cheat now but it’s also easier to follow them and find out if they are.

Ultimately you have nothing to gain by snooping, if you really value the relationship just be above board with everything – my whole philosophy is rooted in personal accountability, ask people to try to hold themselves in the same manner that they hold other people to.  

Stay Tuned for the final portion of my interview with Steve when we talk about decoding the # of days call back equation and Sex!

                                           Courtesy: VH1

Exclusive Interview: TV's VH1's Celebrity Match Maker, Steve Ward Weighs In..Part 1

Steve Ward is known as Mr. Match Maker extraordinaire. Host of VH1’s popular dating show Tough Love, Steve has used his smart wits and good looks to pair thousands of happy couples together. In his 4^th season of the highly successful series, Steve takes 8 dating disasters to New Orleans to whip them into shape in his O’ so friendly dating bootcamp.

I’ve known Steve for about four years now,  I met him after I booked him on a dating panel for a national morning show I used to work on. Tough Love’s first season hadn't hit the air waves yet, but I decided to give this fresh face dating expert a shot and pushed for his appearance on our morning show.

Straightforward and blatantly honest, Steve quickly won the approval of our executive producers and landed himself a weekly segment on the show.

But Steve didn't always steal the spotlight, back in high school he says he was short, chubby, annoying and not very well liked. It wasn't until he hit his growth spurt in college that he turned into the tall and charming man he is today. Though he boasts he dated a lot in college, he did experience heart break. Steve went through a harrowing car accident with his college sweetheart and although they tried to make it work, in the end he said they were both still really young and it just wasn't right. 

Steve only mentioned one other girl to have stolen his heart since college, but says it eventually ended from what he said was bad timing. This Tough Love bachelor isn't ready to get serious with anyone just yet, "Even to this day I don't think it's the right time in my life to settle down. I have absolutely way too much going on in my life," Steve said.

Steve strolled into the Soho Dos Caminos restaurant dressed casually in a leather like jacket and jeans. After a quick catch-up and some guacamole mixed with crab I digged in with my dating questions I compiled from my readers.

"I have a MAJOR theme of guys just NEVER calling me again after a few great weeks/months dating – no talk of relationships and I usually take it slow. Help"

STEVE: Well it’s the taking it slow part, they just get bored and don’t want to stick around. They’re not willing to wait for whatever you’re withholding and just grow tired of it and will move on to someone who is willing to put out quicker, emotionally, sexually, monetarily – you need to puts yourself out there. 

"What's the best way to approach your guy (who has had financial difficulties in the past) about moving in together? How can I make sure he won't make the same irresponsible mistakes  again?"

STEVE: He most likely will make the same mistakes again and if that’s a situation you’re going to go into knowingly then never has the expression been more true, ‘you made your own bed, now lie in it', so it’s a risk. It's probably why he can’t get credit or secure a loan or get a place on his own because he’s not a worthwhile credit risk, if you’re going to give him credit where no one else is you should expect him to default. 

"If a girl says 'I love you' first... what goes through a guy’s head? Is it bad for a girl to say it first?"

STEVE: No it just depends on how she says it and if she says it in the wrong kind of needy way and makes the guy think she’s expecting something in return- then that is going to make the guy uncomfortable. If you say it without expecting something in return then you mean it.  Saying I love you is just saying it, if you say it  because you want them to hear it and you want to hear it back that’s not what love is. Saying I love you is saying it, meaning it and not expecting the other person to reciprocate it.

 "One of things that bugs me, is my husband will never make out with me anymore!!! When we first started dating we would make out for hours, stop on street corners, in bars, ANYWHERE!!! I love the sex and the companionship, but sometimes I just want to feel like we are dating again, and make out like we just met! How do I get my husband to make out with me?!!!!! "

STEVE: Do something neither of you have you ever done before. If you’re both interested in scuba diving or were both interested in visiting someplace you’ve never been before, go an do it together. Find something that you both would enjoy doing together and make it new, make it fresh and then when you do that you'll reinvent the relationship, you’ll reinvent the chemistry.

"What is the best way to keep a guys interest after a dating a while?"

STEVE: Be cool. Just back off and be cool. Truly demonstrate that you understand them and know them and give them the space, the time or whatever they need because the fact is there are too many women that are carrying out their relationships with this expectation that it will end up somewhere- and guys don’t do that, we just don’t. If it ends up going there, great, but we don’t go into relationships thinking OK once we do this, then we’ll do this and then this will happen... Even the guys who are anal retentive and organized to a fault and plan everything out to a T don't. They may have an idea in their mind of where the relationship might be going, but it’s not like they have to get there in a certain time. It’s not like they have these tickets like the train is leaving the station- unless you as a woman make him feel that way and sometimes that’s enough to make them run and catch that train, but other times they’ll miss it and catch the next train that comes along.  Just depends on how much of a hurry they are to get to where you’re going – and if their not in a hurry to go where you’re going, then they’ll let that ship sail and let that train go by because they have no reason to speed up to catch it.

"Do long distance relationships work?"

STEVE: They are challenging over the long run. They can last in a short term basis. If you have to repeatedly experience gaps apart when you come accustomed to spending time together, its invariably going to make you feel emotionaly distant because you’re so used to that proximity and intimacy. So in order to make it work you have to find a way to make it intimate and close emotionally even though you’re not spatially as close as you would like to be.

"How do you find guys that are older to date i.e. as a mature 28 year old, should I be dating some 35?"

STEVE: Yeah 35 would be a great age for someone who is 28 because typically those guys are dating women that are 5 years younger anyway. The most important thing is that you’re in a similar life stage. If you know you’re ready for certain things that he may not be ready for then you’re doing yourself a disservice. I would suggest you end up really making it a point to spend time with the right people who are at the right point of life that you’re at.

"Why does dating involve game playing? Why can't dating be straight forward?"

STEVE: Because of emotions, people have emotions and we use rationalization as well as many other techniques to defend ourselves and our emotions.  So we do whatever it takes to get some sense of control in our lives.

Now stay tuned for Part 2 of my interview tackling topics like cheating and snooping!

                                       Courtesy: VH1

Break-Up's Are Hard to Do..Study Says you lose Eight Friends in the Process

Break-up's are hard enough. You cry, you overeat or don't eat at all and lock yourself in your bedroom with Ben & Jerry's and a years supply of sappy movies. 


But after all the tears and empty containers, you come to your senses and realize that the relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be anyways and in the end you can see that you have only really lost one friend who didn't deserve you anyways, right?


A new study by HealBee.com says after a long-term relationship ends you are actually likely to lose about eight friends- most likely to be about three friends of the ex-partner and three or so mutual friends made during the relationship.


Speaking from experience, I maintained one mutual friend after my last long-term relationship ended and I've witnessed the break-ups of some of my friends where I too I have completely lost touch with my friend's ex-partner. 


31 % of the 2,000 people polled ( people who recently went through a break-up) said they regret some of their actions during the break-up because of the effect it had on their friendships- Maybe too many drunk phone calls or texts sparring with your ex left some bad blood?


Once the relationship was finalized, over -terminated, 49% claimed  either they or their ex were pushed out of one another's group of friends.


Although this statistic sounds a bit disheartening, would you want to be the cause of awkward stares and hushed whispers. What if one of you wants to bring a new partner around out on a night your group of friends are all going out to a bar? If you happen to have watched any of the Jersey Shore episodes on MTV you know Sammy didn't take it well when she saw Ronny out just talking to other girls and you can see just how uncomfortable their fights and break-ups made the other housemates/friends.

Chad Schofield, founder of the site added, " No matter how supportive your friends and family  actually are, there's often a need to make some big life decisions which may well affect you for years to come- all at a time when you may not be fully ready to or be at your most rational."


Hmm let's see.. My last break-up resulted in myself chopping all my hair off and taking some very impromptu and pricey trips around the world...


From the study only 12 % revealed that they couldn't have asked their friends to be any more supportive during their difficult time- A statistic that seems a little too low for my liking.. 


True friends will be there for you through thick and thin, if you lose some during a break-up you probably know deep down that they weren't your real friends anyways. 

Would You Break Up with your Boyfriend if He Did This?

This Guy may have scared the bejusus out of his girlfriend but his clever prank caught on tape made him ( and kinda her) and instant youtube star. The Boyfriend describes his practical joke here:

"I got off of work early and snuck into my girlfriends apartment with a spare key. I waited for her to get off of work and I dressed up with a face mask and a trench coat on acting as if I was robbing the place. I was holding their 32" TV, a duffle bag full of their stuff, and their laptop in my hand. When I heard the door open then close, I ran out to surprise them.... Poor girl was crying haha"

Well I guess she can't be too mad, he did land them both on Good Morning America this morning!

But will she get him back? How would you repay your jokester of a boyfriend?

She got Punk'd:

MissTravel.com: Who Needs Money, Beautiful People Travel Free

Brandon Wade is a well-known online matchmaker with a certain kind of flair. He created such controversial sites as Sugardaddy.com, SeekingArrangement.com and WhatsYourPrice.com.

In what you might call a cross between Expedia.com and match.com, or perhaps it’s more like "Indecent Proposal" meets "Pretty Woman"?

Brandon’s new website, MissTravel.com is the only online dating website for travelers. The site says they, “match generous travelers who hate to travel alone with Attractive travelers who would love the opportunity to travel the world for free."

Launched less than two weeks ago MissTravel.com has already signed up over 16,000 users.

The generous members can use the website for free while they search through thousands of attractive members profiles then once they find a mate of their liking they can send them a travel invitation. Once the ‘attractive member’ accepts their travel proposal the generous member has to purchase credits to communicate freely and plan their trip.

The site offers three different travel options, the generous member can invite the attractive member to visit him/her in their home city, offer to visit the attractive member in their home town or ask the attractive member to accompany them to travel to a new destination.

If the new pair ends up traveling, the generous member is expected to and will have to pay for all of their attractive members travel expenses.

Though Cupids arrow has no bounds, not everyone is convinced.

Psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Robi Ludwig says the site sounds more like a traveling escort service. “It's true, people can meet other people anywhere and anyway to fall in love, but there's an obvious imbalance of power inherent in this situation which could be problematic to dangerous,” Ludwig said.

Another enticing incentive for attractive members is the site’s system that allows generous members to gift frequent flyer points to them. As soon as an attractive member collects enough miles he/she can redeem them for airline tickets or hotel rooms at any destination they would like.

“This is even better than escorting. It sounds like modern mail order marriage,” Steve Ward host of VH1’s Tough Love said.

I don't care how badly I wanted to see the world and travel for free..if it meant I had to go with a complete stranger who is most likely hoping to bang more than a couple of coconuts on his next tropical excursion I can wait.. I don't know maybe I'll continue to work and save my own money to go on my own trip on my own terms.. 

Here is the site's promo: 

Swimwear Advice from a Psychologist

Obviously no one "likes" trying on bathing suits, unless perhaps your a Victoria Secrets model.. but maybe they have days they feel bloated too( but probably not).


I was reading an article on a new study that found women can slip into a bad mood just from imagining themselves trying on bathing suits. 


Ok, yes..makes sense.. you might be day dreaming about your next shopping expenditure but its still for a bathing suit.


The study links the act of  'imagining yourself wearing a swimsuit' to an increase of self-objectification (which is a psych term for looking and judging yourself based on how you think other people look at you).


Marika Tiggemann, study researcher and psychologist surveyed female undergraduates on different scenarios to test the impact of clothing on self-objectification. 


The study found that imagining wearing a swimsuit in a dressing room made women self-objectify more than a public scenario like wearing a swimsuit while walking down a beach.


Tiggerman explains that a dressing room scene can be more unnerving because of potential objectifying  features like bright lights, lots of mirrors and of course the decision of whether or not you look good enough  to purchase the swimsuit. 


So again, Ok- I get it.. trying on bathing suits is annoying and less fun then strolling on the beach wearing one.. sure, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out... 


However...


It wasn't the theme of the study that caught my attention.. it was the good doctors advice that blew my mind.


To prevent self-objectification she says to, " avoid mirrors and comparisons with others and focus on activities that emphasize the function, not the appearance of the body.."


Really? That is her professional advice? Just avoid mirrors? Why don't you tell us all- because we all have at least one insecurity with our bodies-that we should throw a brown bag over our heads and avoid life- there are mirrors and reflections everywhere lady! And don't compare yourself with others? OK fine point, but a point I assume we already know but you can't help compare something to something else at some point- its a part of life. Like comparing a new guy to an ex. I like that restaurants Clam chowder more than the others etc...and lastly 'focus' on the swimsuits function and not the appearance? We're not buying gym clothes, if were going to be practically naked the small amount of material we are going to be wearing better be somewhat attractive.


I just hope this is not the kind of advice people pay this doctor for in any one-on-one sessions.. 


Swimsuit season is upon us.. and unless you don't plan on going to the beach or pool you might as well prepare yourself for a less than happy afternoon at the mall ... and here is a tip from me.. wear or bring high heels.. the higher the better they will always make you look taller and slimmer when your trying on suits ( not that I expect you to wear them ON the beach-leave those looks for the Jersey Shore girls-) But while your in the changing rooms it helps-trust me. 

Tuesday Tube: Watch out for that Sink Hole!

A young Chinese girl was talking on her cellphone when in instant the ground below her grumbled plunging her down below the ground. 


Apparently underground water had eroded the ground under the road and caused a cavity under the pavement.

But don't worry a courageous and chivalrous cabbie who was driving by came to the rescue and climbed into the six-metre deep pit to help save her.